This was triggered by a visit to www.eyebrowz.com, a site which specialises in fake eyebrows which will supposedly make you look just like a range of famous celebrities. Or at the very least, give you that oh-so-sexy, "permanently startled" expression. Discovering how many of my top 10 were in there, followed by perusal of the piccies I possess, led to the realisation that Audrey Hepburn eyebrows are apparently further up my list of wants than almost anything else.
But moving on, I was also pleased to receive my very first piece of abusive email. It seems to come from the exotic source of Uruguay, and runs, in full, as follows:
you are a stupid
you are a "hijo de puta"
your page is "The trash of the red"
Secondly, and more pleasantly, was the following from TC's American ambassador, reporting on a day spent chaperoning a field trip for her son's 8th Grade class.
"...Next stop was lunch at the Five and Diner. Remember the Air Stream all-aluminum trailers that were used as diners in the 50's? This place is just like that, out of time, with waitresses in saddle shoes and oldies music emanating from table side juke boxes and served the best damned malteds in the whole universe. Lunch, of course, were hamburgers and fries (*chips*) with *FREE* ketchup in bottles." [Ah, yes -- having to PAY for ketchup in the fish and chip shop was a major shock to the system for certain Americans when they visited recently...]
Speaking with my son's teacher, Janet Jones (who's husband, by the way, is from Liverpool), we had a complete discussion about London. Since she is married to a Brit, we enjoyed our conversation about my trip there and the things that were new and different from our way of life. I found out, to my complete amazement, that my new favorite beverage, "HOOCH" is now sold here in a local supermarket. Now I can "Mind the Bottle" here as well (just kidding). We also discussed the finer points of how to get a drink with ice IN it. [...and another shock was that when the British put ice in drinks, in tends to be of the "one lump or two?" approach.]
The piece d'resistance on our little excursion was the Peoria Sports Complex,
home to the Milwaukee Brewers and San Diego Padres baseball franchises in the
spring, where we witnessed a training game. I, being a
baseball illiterate and quite ignorant of baseball etiquette and rules, was
awed by the ritual. Don't get me wrong. I went to a baseball game about 11
years ago and that was the only time. So to say I enjoyed myself was a grand
understatement.
Today's game featured, to my Baseball Ignorant self, the American League's
Most Valuable Player, Ken Griffey Jr., who played Center Field not 15 feet
from where my carcass was parked on the Lawn.
Not having been to a baseball game in over 10 years, it was refreshing fun and
hot as hell since it was an early afternoon game and the temperature was up in
the 90's with a sun that would burn you in 5 minutes.. Needless to say, my
arms and face were burnt to death, and how I am going to explain that to my
job tomorrow since I called in sick, is going to be a problem.
Baseball games are fun, not so much because of the game itself, but the fans
are a trip and a species unto their own. The die-hard fans have witty sayings
and dirges they will yell out to the players for different reasons:
Yes. I would have to say that, from the National Anthem, to the screaming
fans, to the one-of-a-kind concession vendors who scream out the names of the
products they are hawking in a ritualistic, mystical Cantor, that Baseball is
indeed an American institution and makes for one hell of a good afternoon.
I think that someday, I should like to learn the rules about baseball...
The only thing I remember is that you have to "run home"....
a.) To boost their favorite team's morale
b.) To berate the opposing team by picking on the players one at a time.
c.) To insult a player on their favorite team if he is not playing up to
snuff.
Yes...something like that. I think that on the next visit, a trip to a football (er, that's *soccer*) game is in order. We'll soon have Chris teaching chants of "You're shit, and you know you are" to the Little Leaguers in Scottsdale. Wonder if Millwall will be at home?
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