Mermaids (1990)

Rating: 6/10

Dir: Richard Benjamin
Star: Cher, Bob Hoskins, Winona Ryder, Michael Schoeffling

Every so often a film appears that confounds all expectations. On the other hand, this is exactly how I expected it to be, ruined by the plastic surgery disaster called Cher. Too much rhinoplasty means she has no alternative but to look down her nose as if the rest of the characters smelt funny. A shame, as you can empathise with them, whether it’s Hoskins as a Jewish shoe-salesman or Ryder as the daughter who wants to be a nun, but whose hormones aren’t listening (another shower scene & on-screen loss of virginity for her). She wanders round with eyes like saucers (this, I can cope with!) and gets pleasantly more screen time than her billing would suggest. The soundtrack is hideous 60’s crap, the only redeeming feature being that Cher’s “Shoop Shoop Song” is played over the end credits so you can avoid it. Two off for Cher.